A PORNOGRAPHY OF ONE

There I stand, booze-soaked and blood-sodden,
wiping the brows of my betters and laying bets
on the weather, a fever dream of absolutes.
There I am, second-guessing myself
in a shotgun wedding of best intentions
and the slow, stuttering pause.
I am to love what a spear is
to the heart, I skip a beat,
deadened and transfixed,
I am the choir of silence,
I hold it in my fist, complete.